Friday, January 18, 2019

Nosey Muslims

Taken from One Chinese Muslimah
Abu Hurayrah, 
may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said, "A sign of one's excellence in his Islam, is ignoring what does not concern him."[Related by Ahmad, Malik & At-Tirmidhi]

When will you get married?

When will you have kids?

Why isn't your husband working?

Why are you studying in school?

When are you going to have another child?

Why don't you get divorced?

Why don't you remarry?

Why are you wearing the same thing?

Why don't you get your husband to do that?

Why don't you this,why dont you that, why don't you do this, why don't you do that, why-why-why?!??!


Dear readers, 

Have you ever been plagued with those certain individuals who just can't seem to get the hint to LEAVE YOU ALONE and STOP ANNOYING YOU with their annoying questions because they are just too nosey and lack good manners and etiquette????? 
Have you been constantly harassed by individuals who always seem to ask the exact same questions over and over every single time you see them and your answers are ALWAYS THE SAME? 
Have you been put into awkward and embarrassing situations by annoying individuals who just don't seem to get the HINT when you decline to answer their questions which are by far NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS? 

Why yes! Yes, I have and I am sure you have as well!!

I would love so much to address this issue because it is something that needs to be addressed, OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER....again and again and again and again.

A lot of the times, we think that it is harmless to pry into people's personal lives and that we are only doing it to "start a conversation" or to "show that we care" but in reality, being nosey and meddling into people's private lives are by far conversation starters and an act of care. Being nosey and asking sisters about their private lives is none of our business. UNLESS they openly volunteer to share things with you without you asking and IF they come to you for advice and entrust you with their private information, then this is obviously different. 

Some sisters just don't understand that asking too many questions can either be adding salt to the wounds of many or it could just be plain annoying! If someone wanted to tell you that they couldn't have kids or if they were trying to have kids, I'm very certain they will let you know. If a sister wants to share with you her marital problems and that she is thinking about divorce then that is up to her. If a sister wants to tell you that she has been trying to get married since she was in her 20's, I'm sure she will let you know! If a sister doesn't donate more than amount of dollars, that is none of your business!!
DO NOT PRY. DO NOT ASK. DO NOT BUSY YOURSELF WITH MATTERS THAT DO NOT CONCERN YOU. Unless you plan to play God (ASTAGHFIRULLAH, audhubillah) then do not ask a sister when she will have kids, or when she will get married because ultimately, only ALLAH KNOWS.

Do you know how annoying it is when someone meddles their nose into someone's private life when it really is none of their business?
I don't care if it is in the culture to ask. 
Too bad???!!!!
Our poor sisters are already going through hardships with trying to get married, trying to conceive, trying to work things out with their marriages, trying to raise four children on their own, trying to work full time and balance school, trying to deal life etc...
Our poor sisters are going through a lot already and yet we all feel the need to pressure them into answering our annoying questions to satisfy our own egos or for whatever reason Allah Knows best. 


Al-Bukhari and Muslim narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or else keep silent …” 

Listen, if they want you in on their private life, they will. If you don't know anything about them, it is because they don't want you to. Yes, I understand that many of us want to help others by reaching out to them. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you need to dig deep into their family secrets and ancestry tree and tribe name just to help them out. You don't need to know what is going on in their private life in order to help them out. A simple, "hey sis, if you ever need to talk, I'm here" or "if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to call" is more than sufficient! 
Please remember, if a sister wants to open up to you,  SHE WILL. No need for you to interrogate her like she is some kind of worldwide hunted criminal. 

Just because you are fine with people openly asking you a million and one questions about your personal life, doesn't mean other people are. Just because you want others to ask about your private life, doesn't mean other people want the same. Always be mindful of your tongue and your manners. Not everybody is the same as you. 

Yes, I understand completely that we want to reach out and help our sisters and sometimes the only way to help them is to know more about their situation, I get that. But again, prying into their lives is not the correct way! Do not make anyone feel like they are obligated to share information about their personal life with you! Do not make anyone feel uncomfortable lest you drive them away from Muslims and the deen! Be mindful of your manners and have the proper etiquettes when dealing with people.

Obviously, this is a reminder to myself first and foremost!! Of course, whenever I write new posts, I am addressing myself mainly because who am I to judge what y'all do, right? 
I wanted to write this post because of how some people have made me feel. Even though they don't know my situation and I never requested any help, they ask me about things which don't concern them and it cheeeeeeeses me until no tomorrow. Like, can you stop??? Thanks! 

So, that is why I wanted to address this issue because I know I am not the only one who has had to deal with such people and maybe I am even guilty of doing this too - astaghfirullah!! Sometimes I am so caught off guard I find myself backed into a tiny corner with no way out, so I end up answering them! Then I feel so bad after because I revealed parts of my life which those people don't deserve to know. 

Do you have any tips or suggestions as to what to say or do the next time I have to deal with nosey Muslims? Please comment below!

It is possible that what is meant is asking a man too many questions about his situation, which includes asking about that which does not concern one. That also may lead to embarrassment for the one who is being asked, because he may prefer not to tell him about his situation, and if he tells him he may feel upset about that, but if he lies to him or tries to give indirect answers he may still feel upset, and if he ignores his question that will be bad manners. {Al-Munaawi said in Fayd al-Qadeer (7/3)}

“Allah’s Messenger (PBUH) was neither a Fahish (one who talks evil) nor a Mutafahhish (a person who conveys evil talk or a person who peaks obscene evil words to make people laugh), and he used to say, ‘The best among you are the best in character (having good manners).’” (Al-Bukhari 6035)

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